the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
