Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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