I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Randomize
