You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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