i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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