Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
