Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Randomize
