Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
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Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
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We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
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