i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
