yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
