pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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