I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
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