I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
