So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
