so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
My life is pants optional.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
