I swear she didn't look like that last week.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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