They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
