I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
