My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
