You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
there was a trapeze. enough said
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
