i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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