His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize