anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Randomize
