One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
