Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
