Whatcha textin bout Willis?
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
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