just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
