we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
he laminated a picture of his dick.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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