Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
so much tequila, so little girl.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
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