Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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