theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
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