her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
