I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
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