So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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