I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Randomize
