For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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