I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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