hell yes lets make some ravioli
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
