How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
