i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
