Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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