Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Ambien. No doubt about it.
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
