We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
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