You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
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All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
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Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
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