You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
