Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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