So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Randomize
