Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
