Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
