So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Randomize
