Your favorite bartender is back from prision
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
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