i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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