you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Randomize
