i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Life is so much better after having sex.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
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