hell yes lets make some ravioli
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
