The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
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