maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
