I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
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