It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
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