you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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