Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
