I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Mom said you looked used
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Randomize
