It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
50% drunk capacity currently
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
