I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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