mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
