K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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